Termites in the Core

3 quarters of an hour past the midnight moment. I sit here, in darkness permeated by the glare of Cathode Ray tubes assaulting from from the left and in front. They launch their attacks upon me as I sit here, seemingly bound at their will, unable to move and escape. I can feel the one on the left burning through my brain, sending shockwaves, in slow and dreary motion across the sphere that is lodged within the skull and under the thick mat of hair.

Back to the problem at hand and that is of fear. That when it grabs one, in the weirdest ways, I react. Weirdly. Inappropriately. General doing something (or not, as the case may be) that I would rather not. Completely contrary to everything I believe in and with no purpose in eliminating the source of the fear.

Something that has been on my mind for a long time is Forrest Gump. For the past couple of months now, I reflect upon the character. I picture the character, the soul within, that fictional as the context was, did not give up. Pursued his every whim and wish. And yet, you could never call this man flippant. When he dedicated himself to a cause, he would give his all. And yet, throughout the course of the story (which I love), he holds true onto what's important. It's like that Kipling poem about being a man. I think that this would be a part of that, no matter how far it may seemingly deviate.

Ahead of me lies 3 days of potential freedom and excitement. I am so overjoyed at the possibilities. And what lies beyond - I cannot simply contain the joy that wishes to erupt within me. That joy that overpowers me and makes me do stranger things than fear could ever dream of. All in the name of something better than I ... or so the voices tell me. Or each other, in their near-constant bickering. They speak to one another, occasionally to me, as if I'm only a side-story in this existence.

But I am tired. In the middle of this mental blur, life is beautiful. Mixed in with a serving of hope, mixed into a fine paste and sprinkled with a user-defined portion of "will," this dish that I call the "Future" is waiting to be tasted.

I wonder if I'll be hungry after a bite.

Till next the possibilities take me somewhere I have never been.