I see something in the woods

Beyond the trees. Between the leaves.
Above the wanton blades of grass.
Below the leaden branches
That block out sunlight
Provide shelter to
Countless creatures
And more so still

There hasn't been particularly much to say that has spawned within my mind. This tiring week has taken its toll on me. Now I feel tired and ... really pretty down. I would rather not create a post that is going to be fairly self-deprecating, so I shall do my best to avoid so.

I'm luck y that it's been a quiet week. With the exception of monday, there has been little compulsion to accomplish any real goals. Though I now stand on the fulcrum point between an outcome that will either be simple and positive or messy and negative, that is not what wearies me. At least not to the extent that I feel right now.

It's more of ... is it a hopelessness? I wouldn't think so. The question raised in the previous post has contributed to it. I believe I have found an answer. It is one that pleases me in that I don't feel like a retard. That's not to say that it's the best possible solution. But I think that it's good. A good way to go.

Monetary concerns don't help. Insofar as achieving that immediate goal which is of the highest importance to me. No, I lie. There is something of higher importance than that - hence I find myself lacking. But it's complicated. It's not that this goal that I am "demoting" in terms of priority is any less valuable to me. I would not even dare to suggest it - even to myself. Yet there are still things which need to be done.

But - back to reality. Or an abstraction. Confined within this egg-shaped box - this self-imposed solitary confinement of thoughts and ideas grows tiring too. Keeping little and unimportant things within when there is the one persona within that screams for them to be unleashed, damn the consequences. But it's not like there are consequences to face. Just ... never mind. I am tired in terms of what my mind is even capable of sharing right now.

There is an opportunity to explore the unknown. To do so in the company of those whom I would not mind to be in the presence of. Yet I would rather remain in these "familiar" shadows. Resting these mental bruises. I will go to work tomorrow and I plan on doing nothing. Even more so than today. I plan to waste the time that I have been granted. To whittle it away with personal activities in spite of being granted the greatest gift in the world with this job. Why would I even consider doing so? Does this mean that I am not truly worth this chance? That I cannot appreciate the grandeur therein?

Perhaps it does. Perhaps not. That is not of major concern to me, contrary to what the previous paragraph might suggest. There are far more important matters that loop in my head. Keeping "broken" promises before I lose all hope of ever conveying value with my words. In this sustained unreality, words are all I have to share. It's like a vendor of a particular ware having his stock reduced to nothing. Bankrupt and broken, he must find a way to rebuild. Only there is nothing to replace these words with. These words are but my own and so shall every one that emerges from the spirit within.

Till the frog leaps over and away.