Step Back, Little Miss Heart Attack

Hello





Is there something you'd like to say?





Yes? Speak up!






Is that how it is? I'm a bit shocked to be honest. I mistook your honored silence for something else. Too bad, I suppose. I mean ... yeah - really too bad. Cause I was beginning to think. Yes, really. Me - think? Hard to conceive sometimes, isn't it? But you'd be wrong to think otherwise. Because I think more than your average polar bear and, sir, I say, I'd be damned if I had half a clue of what the hell I was talking about!

I still press on with this case of mine. This idea. I mentioned how the pure, unadulterated bonhomie that is rarely encountered disarms me. I wish I hadn't, because I'd like to be the one to do so. This me, present me. Stupid past me. It confuses one sometimes, but by the time you get around to untangling the knot of confusion, said moment is in the past and isn't present me's problem anymore. So be it.

You ever wonder how the mind moves? The cause. I know I've mentioned this before - bastard - but it befuddles me. Like so much else in this world and beyond, it's a difficult task for me to get to grips with the idea that every idea is just a spark. It's trippy. Completely weird and it's something that one can just sink in a sea of pondering about it.

The Nightwatchmen do their job in silence. Watching and almost waiting. Always thinking. Or trying not to. When you wait, the mind races. More ... no - When I wait, the mind races. I don't know about yours. It's thinking. Considering. Suppositioning. Only I've been waiting a while. For a lot of things. And so it never stops thinking. Postulating. Analy-til-izing. ...

Perhaps not a lot of things, but - well I like to think that it's not a lot. Just a few and then it'll all sink into place. Cause that really happens, all the time. You wait. The answer comes To you. The path opens up before your feet. And you're guided with no chance of failure to the best possible outcome that will please your every hope and dream. And, in an ideal world, ensure that everyone else involved in said solution also finds their personal heaven therein. But it's not an ideal world, so they don't really find their personal jesus. Actually, it's far from an ideal world, so the whole answer/path/solution track is out of the question. Leaving you with a lot of reality drowning out a little of me.

I feel like I'm saying something that I shouldn't. I don't know why. But I suppose I can look back at this and remove it if it displeases future present self. Or that I'm on the verge of saying something. This is annoying. When I don't even know myself or the other person in there. Me, myself and I.

No, not inspired at all. Quite trite and droll. Unfortunately what makes it worse is that it is imprinted in my feeble brain by some crappy pop song from the turn of the century ... a girl in orange is all I can think of. Other people would know what I'm talking about - only I don't know who, where or what they are. If you find them, let me know and we'll celebrate with a pie-eating contest.

Its like your vision is clouded by this thing that is you. And there is one answer. Only one path to the given question. But it's not what you were looking for. Of course, it wasn't. It delays what you hope will be grand. But you agree. Because you said that that was the answer. But you lied. You refused to look beyond your own regimentations - yes, just flow with this improvised and bastardised use of the word - and just face the two answers in front of you. A) You really don't care that much. B) You're just scared.

There are other answers. But at least you're seeing a choice now. Better than the one answer that you had no alternative to. Little Evolutions.

But B isn't what it is. Nothing is. How can it ever be, unless you're in line with what has gone on and what will based on your actions and words, which is all that really matters - save anything else that goes on. At least you have the choice to act. Unless you decide to forgo it. Action might be as grand as breaking the shackles of oppresion or yielding to its deadly force. You've made the choice and the action to follow. It's beautiful and unavoidable economics of existance. I think the a is there - cause it's not the e. It doesn't feel right.

Till it goes again.